Be Little, Be Wild.
My husband and I have talked several times and agreed that we don't want our children to know our struggles. This doesn't mean they will live their lives "under a rock" but yes, they will be sheltered somewhat. Why? Because we want our kids to be kids. We want them to look back at their childhood as being carefree, easy, fun, wild, spontaneous, adventurous, silly, and just... Happy. We get so few of those precious years where we don't have to worry about big things, we don't have to make scary choices, we don't have to know regret, broken hearts, anger, loss of hope, and the daily stress of life.
I have a good life and I know that. I have hundreds of things to be grateful for and proud about. Yet, being honest, life isn't always so peachy. We stress about money, big life choices, our careers. We argue, we get sad, we feel lost. We make it an important goal to not let those things become transparent to Paige. We won't lie to her and we won't put on a show or try to fake a glamourous life to make her happy, she just simply doesn't need to know our struggles.
And then sometimes, it does show through or she senses it. And nearly every time, I am amazed at her patience, understanding, and kindness to want to make things better. One night while my husband was out of town, I had a rough day. I was emotionally drained and just sort of crumpled into a ball and cried. And cried. And cried. Paige came in from bed and started to hold my hand and rub my arm and say it's okay mama, don't cry. You don't need to be sad. Mommy why are you crying? And yep, I let my three year old hold me while I cried. Then there's other times when she will just give you a hug or say she loves you and I think she can sense when we aren't quite put together and she just wants to help.
She's had quite the shuffling in her three years of life between moving twice, visiting family all the time (which means changing her routine and sleeping arrangements), and of course adding in a baby to the family. I don't give her nearly enough credit and patience and gratitude as I should. In fact, my husband is always reminding me that I need to because she truly has been through a lot. I want her to always come to me with anything she is struggling with and feel like she can trust me and depend on me for support and guidance. I don't want her to see or know my struggles but at least I know if she does, that she still loves me. ><Holly><
